🔗 Share this article Navigating the Yearning for Spontaneous Intimacy Whilst Pursuing a Committed Partnership Being a homosexual male approaching 50, my life has involved numerous, mostly pleasurable years engaging in casual sex with other men since the age of 19. During my fourth decade, I was in a serious relationship which continued for four years, but it never fully satisfied me, in that I felt neither loved nor intimately fulfilled. The fact is that my constant desire has been for uncommitted intimacy. Every time I begin seeing any man, when the initial excitement dwindles, an impulse arises to have sex with new partners again. Questioning the Possibility of Exclusive Commitment Currently, I'm contemplating whether it's possible for me to maintain a monogamous relationship. I understand that many homosexual males have open relationships, yet from my observations, they appear like hard work, frequently causing significant pain and jealousy among all parties. To a large extent, I want another man to care for me while allowing me to remain sexually free, but I dread to imagine the psychological toll this would cause. Is it best to continue to have casual sex and accept that a lasting partnership may be unattainable? I feel a bit lost. Every person’s intimate path fluctuates. Avoid considering of your relationship needs or your capacity to handle various forms of intimate connections as fixed. What you need as you are experiencing them now may well change down the road; at a certain time you might become less ambivalent and discover greater understanding and a comfortable path … or not. One day you could encounter someone who provides a life-changing chance to you by reflecting your desires completely … and later on you might decide that non-committal encounters are best for you. Worrying about what lies ahead and engaging in the “What if?” game is merely rooted in fear and squandering of your energy. Aim to stay present with your partners, and see the worth of every individual you connect with intimately a sexual connection. When and if you are ever ready to deepen true intimacy with one partner, it will be clear. The psychotherapist is a American therapy professional focusing on treating intimacy issues.